San Franciscans Have to Learn the “Poopie Dance” Just to Walk Down the Sidewalk

Graham Bridgeman-Clarke /
Graham Bridgeman-Clarke /

California Governor Gavin Newsom swooped into San Francisco and cleaned up about ten city blocks overnight ahead of a visit from Communist China’s Xi Jinping. This was infuriating to the taxpayers who have been living among filth and squalor all these years as their leaders claim the city just can’t be cleaned up. Now that Xi Jinping is gone, the filth is back. According to foreign news sources, San Franciscans now have to learn to do the ‘Poopie Dance’ just to walk down the sidewalk.

The Daily Mail in London sent a reporter to San Francisco to see just how incredibly bad the Golden Gate City has become these days. Speaking from painful experience, it’s worse than you can imagine. No camera shot of the disgustingness of San Francisco can really convey just how awful it is. You should never go there. We’re not exaggerating. You’ll regret it.

The air in San Francisco smells so bad that it’s like you’ve fallen into the hole of a pit outhouse on the prairie on the hottest day of summer. If you drive into the city with your windows rolled down, your kids will start crying. It’s the worst place on earth.

The Daily Mail talked to an architect named Rick Garcia, who told them, “As you walk around here, it’s kind of like you have to do a Poopie Dance, always avoiding stepping in s**t.”

How exactly do you do the Poopie Dance? It’s unique for every person and based on their individual circumstances. You have to duck and dodge and weave in and out of the piles in order to try to make it to work without catching hepatitis or something worse. Your individual Poopie Dance is really an expression of who you are on the inside.

Good luck, San Francisco! Keep voting for Democrats to rule over you if you want to keep learning cool new dance moves.